On November 16, 2022, I stepped into my first intentional psychedelic journey.

Up until that point, I had been microdosing. 

I was curious, had educated myself, and had heard amazing stories. But I had never gone deeper. Never asked the bigger questions.

A few days before my birthday, I watched a conversation between two very respected thought leaders in the psychedelic space. They spoke about larger journeys, intention, and healing. Then, something clicked.

I texted my wife and said, “I know what I want for my birthday. I want you to hold space for me.”

My 55th birthday came and on that day, I built a small altar with pictures of my parents, myself and my kids. I didn’t fully understand why, but as the experience began, I moved through waves of emotion, reflection, and release. At one point, something told me to go outside. It was November and the temperature in Atlanta were in the 30°s. I grabbed the photos of my kids and stepped out. I held them in my hands and started to walk. Several minutes into stroll, I remember thinking: Why am I carrying these photos?

Then I felt a nudge. Put them in your beanie. So, I took off my beanie, placed the photos inside, and put it back on. Every single picture fell to the back of my head. None stayed in front. And in that moment, something became very clear: My kids were walking behind me at that time in life, but one day, they would walk beside me.

That was the beginning of how psychedelics changed my relationship with fatherhood.

My life was drastically shifting at that time. After 25 years at CNN, I found myself in a moment of uncertainty. I was about to lose the career that had defined me as I was going to be part of a major layoff after Discovery purchased Warner Media. I had spent decades chasing deadlines, breaking news, and building a life around performance.

Like many fathers, I was providing. But I wasn’t always present and psychedelics forced me to confront that. They showed me something simple and uncomfortable. My kids didn’t need more things. They needed more of me; not more presents, but more presence.

In the beginning, my kids didn’t understand my path. How could they?

“What do you mean you’re working with psychedelics? What do you mean you’re building a business around this? What do you mean this is your mission?”

I had to accept something most parents struggle with: You can love your kids fully, even when they don’t understand you. And you can keep walking your path, trusting that one day they will see it. So I made a decision. No hiding, stigma, or vague answers. Just honest, open, and objective conversations.

I spoke to them about my experiences. I shared the research, and I explained the intention behind everything I was doing. Over time, they stopped seeing it as something reckless, and they started seeing the impact of psychedelics on my life as something purposeful. They saw that their father was trying to show up for life, and psychedelics were a vehicle to so.

Each of my kids meets this journey differently. My oldest, who is 30, brings curiosity and perspective. He’s lived enough life to ask deeper questions.

My 25-year-old son is an active duty First Lieutenant in the Army. He lives in a world where these conversations are more complex. With him, the focus is on empathy, listening without judgment, and understanding the weight he carries.

My daughter, who is 21,  is at a stage of life where curiosity comes naturally. With her, the conversation is about safety, education, and trust, instead of fear or shame. She needs honesty.

One of the biggest changes psychedelics gave me is simple: Consistency. Every day, I have alarms set on my phone at designated times. When they go off, I reach out to my kids. I give them a call, shoot them a text or a meme or a photo. I do this every single day — not because I have to, but because I choose to. That small act changed everything by showing them a side of me they hadn’t engaged with before. My kids know they can count on me always at that designated time. This gives them the assurance they can count on me at any time. And that builds something deeper than anything money can buy.

In June 2025, I sat on a panel at Psychedelic Science 2025 called “Psychedelic Fatherhood: Transforming Families One Dad at a Time.” I was joined by Christian Gray, Diego Ugalde, and Dennis Walker. We spoke about something that does not get enough attention: Fathers are struggling. And it’s not something that’s immediately visible on the surface because, on paper, many fathers have everything: Careers, homes, and families. It’s inside where something is missing, and that’s connection, presence, and meaning.

Fathers are expected to chase success, climb, achieve, and provide. But no one teaches us how to sit still or how to feel. No one teaches us how to be present with our children in a way that shapes who they become. All of this is what led me to create The Summit Within, a psychedelic-assisted retreat and wellness program for fathers. The retreat is in Colombia and is designed to help men step away from high-pressure careers and use intentional work and plant medicine to find personal clarity to reconnect with themselves, and thus, their families.

I saw myself in other fathers carrying the weight of working hard, providing and showing up physically, but ultimately feeling disconnected and unfulfilled. I intimately know the father who buys his daughter everything she wants, but has never taken her out to show her what respect looks like. I understand the father who gives his son every new device, but hasn’t asked him what’s really on his mind. I’ve been that father, and I know I’m not alone.

The Summit Within is built for that man. We talk about things most men never say out loud, such as fear, regret, identity — all of which are themes present in the experience of fatherhood that most men never get to talk about.

We create what I call the “boardroom within.” Because in a traditional boardroom, there are rules everyone must abide by, such as no crying, hugging, or showing any vulnerability. But in the “boardroom within,” it’s the opposite because it’s in these actions of connection where real change can occur. And they help foster remembering who you are as a son, husband, partner, and father. 

And that’s the man you bring back home to your family. If you’re a father reading this, you already know if something here speaks to you. You don’t need convincing. You feel it.

If you’ve been successful on the outside but feel disconnected on the inside. If you’ve been providing but not fully present. If you know there’s another level of connection waiting for you with your kids, then you understand the call.

I know this because I lived it as a CNN producer for 25 years, while also being a father of three and a man who had presence on television long before he was present at home. My own journey through plant medicine became the foundation for the Summit Within, a place for fathers ready to take an honest look inside, and work with small groups and experienced facilitators. This is built for the man who has everything and still feels the gap.

There are ways to explore psychedelic work with intention and there are spaces being created for fathers to come together to learn, grow, and reconnect. You don’t have to do it alone.

That day in the cold, when the pictures fell behind my head in my beanie, I thought my kids were far from me.

Today, they walk beside me. And that changed everything.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

💌 If you loved this email, forward it to a psychonaut in your life.

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